Yesssssssssssssss

I am so incited as my niece would say.

Can't wait for 30 May O2 arena..

Wrong

Tale from the tower - The funny thing about funerals

It was way back in 98/99 when Bob Mackenzie, my immediate boss, passed away. It was sudden (he had been complaining about a pain in shoulder and by the time they had worked out it was actually fluid on his lungs it was too late). His family had decided that they wanted to give him a half military funeral and I along with Sparky and few others I was asked to be pole bearers.

The adventure started on Wednesday night with a trip down to st Mawgan (Newquay way) from Odiham, which was a long arsed way in old LDV minibus. The fun started in the bus with Sparky tapping his foot on the side of the van. To which the driver Doug woke up and wondered what the hell the noise was. Sparky stopped and then a few minutes later started again. This continued for the whole journey.

Well we finally arrived at st Mawgan and were met by the Station Warrant Officer (SWO) who was going to take us through the drill and how to march with the coffin etc. So the next day we followed him around to a shed where he produced a pretend coffin made of very light wood. We shoved this into the back of his little van and set of down to the Church. It was then noticed that the back door of his little van was open and that the coffin was sliding around. Desperate calls to him to stop fell on deaf ears and we could all picture the local headlines. “Burial party run over coffin”.

Luckily we managed to get the Church where we started to practice for the ceremony. It was tricky little place where we had to go down some steps and around the corner while a) Not dropping the coffin and b)Not throwing the flowers all over the floor. We then had to do the reverse to get him out and down to the graveyard. After several tries we finally got it right and deciding to have one last go. So we got in alright and started taking the ‘Coffin’ out again when at the door a bus load of old dears appeared. Now rather shocked they apologised unreservedly. At this point we said no problem and but the coffin down so they could come in, not to mention several of us actually sitting on the thing.

That said all the training was done. That night our big boss (Senior Air Traffic Control Officer) decide we should all go out and friends is where part II to will start.

Weird Dreams

So last night I was part of a Special force S.W.A.T team playing cricket. When my friend Mitch Gates (from school 20 years ago.....ouch) turned up. And decide to bat in the cricket nets from inside a P3 Orion. Yep so there we were bowling at him. Him inside the nets in the P3.

How weird is that?

Hero's is back and I must say I was very excited about the first episode and it did not let me down.

Relaxing weekend

Well after the week from hell at work I am looking forward to a nice relaxing weekend.............eeeer wrong for we have about 26 people come round on Saturday for a bit of food. I am little worried because the last time we had some of these people over their kids totally trashed Little Miss Hunt's room. So doors will be locked and the kids placed in protective custody.

Raaaaaaaaah

Evil G is about and he is pissed off and angry.

Angry coz he wasn't very supportive of his lovely wife's bad day yesterday.

Pissed off because work is going to shite at the moment.

Hopefully he will go soon

That is all

Copy

She wondered up the Italian gentleman serving the desk.
"Copy please" she uttered.
"Pardon" said the fresh faced youth.
"Copy Please" she repeated.
"Excuse me" he replied looking rather more perplexed.
"COPY COPY" she insisted.
"HUH" said the attendant looking even more confused.

At this point I decided this game had gone on long enough so I said to the chap. I think she wants a COFFEE. London is such multi cultural town but can fall down a little around the touristy bits. True conversation I was party to in MacDonald's, as I waited for two soggy Big Macs and two other meals. The lady in question was Chinese.

It was nice to do the whole touristy bit London as we have guest over from Vland. Shame Chavez won his referendum.

The Big weekend

Nope not valentines day or the x round of the FACUP.

This weekend sees me, Mrs H and Hermana going to London to vote against Hugo Chavez referendum to keep him in power for ever (Zimbabwe anyone !!). See he has decided that he so much the man for the job that he wants to change the constitution so that he can be re-elected. Off course I can't vote but I will going and lending my support to those willing to stand up against this tyrant who had totally ruined what is very beautiful Country and for those that are unable to get out while he sends it to the dogs. Like my in laws.

Shopping habits

For helping Hermana get her house she very kindly gave me a gift voucher for the church of the Modern day farther (B&Q), a rather large gift voucher too. This is bloody handy as with a new house I have sod all tools apart from a wanky combination thingy and multi screwdriver.

So I decided to spend the voucher on a proper set of tools (ok maybe just the basics) including a toolbox, Hammer, pliers, Spirit level, don't drill holes in your pipes device and various other bits and pieces. Bearing in mind the size of the store this took me about half an hour and I spent £149.00.

Mrs H then decided she wanted a bird feeder and bearing in mind the selection of maybe five this took another one and half hours.

Said bird feeder is now securely fixed to the fence after a I used every single one of my new tools to accomplish the job.

Tale from the tower - Stealth plane

Let me take you back to 1992. My first posting was to RAF Honington in Suffolk. Home of (then )to a couple of Tornado squadrons (Have to say my dream posting). On this particular day I was the Tower assistant (Glass house bit) along with the control and the supervisor (The man in charge of the tower that day) was also present having a coffee.

It was a quiet day when the landline went for the supervise.

Supervisor "Supervisor, Yes Hi, ummmmm a What, and he wants to come here?? Errrr f*ck yeah he can (or words to that effect). OK I'll be down we can ask him to turn it off and see what happens"

Well me and the Tower control were a bit confused. Then he told us what was going to happen. Basically a F117 had asked to come and do some practise landings at our little airfield. Now these are common at air shows now but back 1992 they were still very secret and rare as hen's teeth.

So I called the station photographer and told him the situation and to hall ass over here as soon a possible. To be honest he didn't really know what we were talking about but I explained that it was huge and a stealth fighter was coming in.

So the supervisor rushed down to the radar room were they had the plane on radar. yeah I know it is stealth fighter but they have this special dohickey that makes them
visible when doing normal flying around. They then asked him to switch it off so they could see what happens and then straight away asked him to turn it back on as it totally disappeared from the screen.. and 5 people shit themselves.

So back upstairs the photographer had arrived and the tower controller and I started winding him by every now turning our heads left to right and asking if he had seen it. "No" he replied. that's Coz it is a stealth plane we explained. "C*cks" he said rather to loudly.

So the black Beast turned up and started do a few circuits when my phone rang.
me "Local control SAC Hunt Speaking"
Voice " AH Hunt this is the station commander"
me to myself "Oh Shit" and sudden rush of brown adrenalin
me " Sir yes Sir (Sir Lord please don't shout at me)"

Now back in those days (near the end of the cold war and IRA and all that) you weren't allowed to say aircraft makes over insecure phone lines. So the conversation was bit weird.

Station Commander "Is that what I think is flying around"
me "If I think what you think it is then.... yes it is"
him " Ah Bloody good show. Do you think you could ask him to fly over my house as I have some people from London here" (His house was slightly to the right of the runway)
Me "Sir yes Sir"
Me to Control " El Chiefo wants to know if he will fly over his house"
Controller "FFS hang on"
Controller to Black Beast "PAPPA TANGO DIET COKE we have request for you to fly over the big house just to south of runaway next time round"
Black Beast " HEll Yeah yeeeeeeeeeee haaaaaaaaawww" Or words to that effect.
Me to SC "Sir he will do"

So here we were thinking bearing in mind the secret nature of the plane and Billions spent on it that he would gingerly manoeuvre and fly gentle over the house at very safe distance.................... errr no.

Picture topgun and the scene with the flyby and the coffee cup and you are still a few feet out. This dude nearly took the roof of the station commanders house. (which he was very happy with..oddly).

The next thing the phone rings again.

Me "Local control SAC Hunt"
voice "Hello this is the Suffolk police"
me "SHITE it wasn't me"
SP " No No we are not calling about THAT but could you ask that black thing to piss off please as cars have stopped on the A134 and traffic is now backed up to Bury and Thetford."

And with that the black beast was gone.

So that was that adventure of the secret stealth plane which was not so secret

Success

My campaign to get the Legs, bums and tums class changed to a more manly name has worked. We now have TOTAL ABS.

The LBT class was great but full of old women (including myself) were as now we have full on abs hardcore and by jimmy I hurt.

Another tale for the tower tomorrow and a secret conversation and a stealth fighter.

Back in the land of the living

Had to venture to the big smoke last week for a course or part there off as I missed Monday with the snow.

So here are my thoughts.

Public buses - especially stagecoach in Hampshire are shit. Total time spent waiting for buses 5 hours

Trains to London are not bad although First Great Western 1st class is better than South western trains 1st class

Underground is ace - total time spent waiting for underground 5 mins which included Jubilee line being closed Friday morning.

Having a course in hotel where the room next door is being used for a chanting/relaxation course is a BAD FUCKING IDEA.

Trust your daughter she knows if she has Lilo and Stitch 2 at your house.

Revenge of the Sith gets worse every time I watch it.